Security In InSecurity

This past week I heard the claim that no ill that has begotten man was ever done without someone's insecurity being the culprit of it all.  This idea got me thinking about many of today's problems and issues that have in some way brought about a detrimental lifestyle to individuals or societies.  What insecurities do you as a reader have that have hindered your ability to fully enjoy life?  What problems in your life are you masking today, and presenting a false impression of yourself so that you feel as if you "fit in" better?  I will outline three of the major issues I find that many people can fix in order to make their lives more fulfilling for themselves, their friends, and in some cases their partners.  The only downside is that you may have to judge yourself wholeheartedly and without reservation to see if you too have these pitfalls.

Example #1
I've always found that calling out a person on their character flaws and providing evidence only leads to them coming up with baseless evidence to in some way prove they don't harbor such traits, therefore I shall present different scenarios to see if you have this particular insecurity in your life.  In a group setting with a few people that you know, from work or from friendships, do you prefer to have a glass of wine to ease yourself into conversation?  Do you find yourself being the life of the party or fun/funny when you have a drink in hand?  Are networking events, or company parties a big hassle to attend?  In all of these situations the individual is forced to interact with people that may not know them, or can in some way have some effect on their future vertical mobility vocationally.  If a person does not have confidence in their ability to converse, entertain, engage with others or provide a witty remark, then they most likely are not confident in their social skills.  Though they maybe fine with close friends, family members or colleagues, the unknown participant interactions in some way may be taxing to these people.  Being insecure in your ability to associate with others is a common skill learned on the school yard and built upon as you continue to interact with others during gym class, recess, social clubs/organizations, or athletic participation.  The more groups one places themselves into, the more confidence they may have to be able to talk with people of various socioeconomic, political and cultural backgrounds.  By harboring a child or adult in a small microcosmic environment where all of those in their daily lives experience similar events and moments hinders their ability to find commonality with others.  What's the solution?  Well if you don't think you have characteristic #2 or #3, then continue to the solution at the end for the answer.

Example #2
Though I may believe the first one is the most important on a daily basis and may lead to unnecessarily inebriated outings, this particular form of insecurity affects one's surrounds the most.  As a person who does some form of shooting weekly I maybe slightly biased to this particular insecurity, but my small insight into this world since moving to Texas may have also given me an additional advantage to understanding it better.  At night do you keep a weapon nearby in case an intruder enters your home so that you are able to protect your family?  Do you or your spouse find yourselves always facing the door or with your back against the wall when you go out to eat?  If you had a gun at bedside and heard someone at night entering your child filled home would you shoot them as they climbed the stairs?  Do you suffer from ILS also known as Imaginary Lat Syndrome?  These are all traits that are common in those who suffer from hyper vigilance, or the fear of the unknown.  Statistically there are neighborhoods and places in the world where burglary, assault, rape and many other violating acts are a high propensity for the population size of the area.  In these security climates, hyper vigilance may not exist and having adequate amount of safety barriers to protect oneself or their family members may be warranted.  Those who live in a high socioeconomic neighborhood, gated communities, multi-acre farms, and regular neighborhoods with low crime rates have less of a claim or reason for the level of paranoia that may exist.  A great example is that of the man in Iowa who covered his house with black trash bags in case of a terrorist attack after 9-11, or the veteran coming back from Iraq who keeps a loaded weapon at bedside in a quiet neighborhood, or the person who has a weapon whether it is a knife, shotgun or handgun placed throughout the home just in case something happens.  Crimes happen to unsuspecting individuals, which are unfortunate and a risk anyone takes by being alive. It is possible that as you are reading this blog your coworker, neighbor, friend, or family member for a reason unbeknownst to you has the idea of harming, violating or killing you and you have no way of defending yourself.  As said in the children's movie The Croods, "Fear keeps us alive." It is the livelihood phrase of those with hyper vigilance.  Becoming a member of society, knowing your neighbors, owning a dog as a pet and possible early warning system, and taking basic safety measure can prevent you from making a mistake.  The example above of a person climbing the stairs at night was one told to me by an exonerated father who shot his daughter who snuck home at night after being out.  If he would have had a dog, a baseball bat, or something not as easy to shoot as a gun, she may still be alive.  What's the solution? Well get through number 3 and you'll have your answer.

Example #3
Given that this is an election year, there are a lot of campaign advertisements that I'm now noticing while running at the gym.  So on that theme, do you find yourself agreeing always with one political party?  Does one topic or idea promoted by a candidate outweigh any possible benefit that candidate may provide the country?  Is your idea of discussing or debating political ideologies to follow talking points heard from news networks or infomercials?  Though I may be cherry-picking from the average political commercial, pundit or individual on the street, I do include anyone that presents a point of view, thought, advice or knowledge without any evidence, in depth knowledge, or even experience with the subject.  The greatest benefit of the internet and having smart phones is the relative ease one can look up a piece of information.  From Siri to Google Talk we no longer have to even type in what piece of information we are looking for, we just say, "Where was Barack Obama Born?" Within 5 minutes you could find the conspiracy theories and definitive answer based on evidence.   You may ask, why is this an insecurity?  Well this all lays into the fact that most people are not confident in their own common sense and knowledge base and would prefer to follow the herd.  Cake the musical group once stated, "Sheep go to Heaven, Goats go to Hell" and many of you follow and believe in this philosophy by staying with the herd.  Dare you go against it and have a mind of your own?  That could bring animosity and questions from others that you don't believe what you are told and that you may have a mind of your own.  To quote Christopher Hitchens, “The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”  By changing the way you think and take in information you may actually learn to be more skeptical and more informed.  Surrounding yourself with like minded individuals can only breed an increased level of ignorance and decreased ability to associate with others.  How can this be fixed, well read below and my answer lies within.

Anti-Autistic Lifestyle
I have personally been promoting this way of thinking after noticing my friend's newborn that has a difficulty with doing the same thing for any prolonged period of time.  Whether it is feeding, playing, being held or being allowed to play on her own, she constantly has a yearning to do different things.  Classically in autistic individuals they lose the cerebral plasticity or ability to grow new neurons and hence have a negative connotation with change.  Familiar environments, people, experiences and activities are easiest for those with this life changing trait.  But the majority of readers reading this are not autistic and they have the ability to challenge their brain to new activities without negative consequences.  The easiest way to apply this to your life is to think of your daily routine and change it up with someone different and new.  An active individual's Monday may have them going to work, then the gym afterwards, home to have dinner and watching a particular show or reading until bedtime.  Maybe a happy hour with friends or dinner with a date maybe on board, but for the most part that day's schedule has been etched in stone.  A simple change would be going to the gym in the morning or continue with the afternoon gym class but not wearing headphones and saying hello to those around you.  After working out, consider going to a restaurant, bar, exhibit, local event and getting to know a new environment.  Most of us that live in a city have many neighborhood events or activities that we fail to take part in, from Groupons for rock climbing to Living Social deals to learn how to dance.  By taking an approach to broaden your predictable horizon you will increase your ability and comfort in associating with others, feel at home and comforted in your community and surroundings, and possibly be able to hold an in depth conversation on various topics.  If more people win back what a presenter on Ted Talks stated as being the dumbing of a culture, we may actually be able to debate issues besides abortion, gay marriage and the EPA.

Till Then.

Ignorance Isn't Blissful

“Country roads, Take me home, To the place I belong” are the immortal words sang by John Denver, and artist I refuse to listen to days before any plane ride due to his untimely death.  That said, his lyrical ability to create beautiful sceneries is something that I’ve always appreciated as I’m stuck indoors under florescent lights with pseudo flooring as ill, damaged or dismembered patients await my service.  Though I love what I do for a living, my favorite hobby for which I spend most days thinking about is traveling and exploring the world’s various wonders, valleys, mountains, lakes and cultures that I’ve failed to educate myself about.

But traveling is expensive, out of my reach and just not doable for someone in my position.  This is the lie that people constantly tell themselves especially here in the United States.  I would say there are 3 main false barriers that people feel they are not able to circumvent.  Breaking down these walls will allow you to travel with confidence that you can open up your world from the small dot that is represents.

 

NUMBER 1:
First being the financially daunting cost of traveling as foretold by the Travel Agency Gods.  My roommate - and, yes, I have a roommate so that I can save money to travel -  came to me this year and explained to me that her school was having a trip in Italy to Rome and the Tuscany region.  It would only be for 8 days, would include food and accommodations, and tours all for the low price of $6,500 USD if at least 20 people went on the trip.  This would be for double occupancy and you would have to book your own flight of course.  For those that haven’t had the chance to travel much, that price is ridiculous!  It is taking advantage of students and a culture in which people are most likely unaware of the costs of traveling abroad and assume Europe with its Euros is expensive.  For Thanksgiving 2012 I went on an 11 day vacation from Dallas to Venice, from there I went to Croatia for a few days, then Slovenia for a couple of days, then trained to Florence and ended up my last few days in Rome.  Including my flight, hotel, transportation, food and miscellaneous expenses I spent under $2,500 and that includes the cost of flying my friend in from Turkey.  If you use websites like AirBnB or VacationRentals you can rent your own apartment or home and have all the comforts that a home offers.  For those of you who are students Hostel World, and if even more adventurous, Couch Surfing can assist you in finding affordable accommodations.

 

This is not all done without sacrifices, well what appear to be sacrifices to others, but for me it is simply a well thought out calculation.  By cutting out a cable bill, but keeping internet and switching to a phone service without a contract, I’ve reduced my expenses per month by about $100, which equates to $1,200/ year.  Now add in not eating out that often or my abstination from drinking out, since a bottle of wine for $9 is usually marked up to $36 when going out.  That alone can save you $100-$200/month.  Add in with other savings, such as sharing rent, and we are talking about $2,400 to $3,600/year or more. That amount of savings is enough to fly to Belize, eat well, stay in a nice place and return with gifts for far less than $2,400 for two people.  I only know because I did that trip last year during the high season.

 

NUMBER 2:
I don’t know if it is safe for me to travel.  My friends are hard to organize to go on a trip and I won’t go by myself.  Do they have all-inclusive resorts there?  Though I may understand one’s insecurity when it comes to going abroad or visiting a new place, and sometimes irrational thoughts and behaviors have an innate reason for existing to be protective.  But I do not believe that ignorance is bliss and there is a lot more to learn about the world and oneself than there is to lose.  If you have not traveled a lot, or have never ventured abroad I would choose a developed country over a developing country to begin.  The infrastructure, information, assistance from agencies and footprints of previous travelers are well ingrained in developed countries allowing you to travel with much ease.  There are developing countries like Costa Rica, Belize, Peru, Ecuador and Thailand that have a robust travel industry that also makes them an easy destination to plan from abroad. 

 

When traveling the only way to make sure you are alone, is to go stay in a hotel.  These are boring, dry and usually possess no inherent character of the local culture as they were most likely designed by a “creative” team in another country that read some books on the local culture, if at all.  While I was in San Carlos De Bariloche, Argentina a family of four from France were staying in the same hostel as I was, they did not share a room or bathroom with anyone else, just a room for themselves and another one for their children.  This allowed them to travel on a budget, retain their comforts and mingle with locals at the same time.  The worst hostel is no different than the worst hotel and I would never recommend them, but by using Hostel International or Hostel World you can travel alone, but as anyone who has stayed in a hostel knows, you’re never alone.

 

For my female readers I shall solely refer to my friend, let’s call her EB who amazes me with her various adventures.  At this moment she could be state-side, still working in Afghanistan or finishing up her trip up the East Coast of Africa before it was interrupted with her job opportunity in the Middle East.  She has lived East Asia, North America, Western Europe and now the Middle East all by herself as a confident woman who takes all the necessary precautions that are needed.  As previously stated, I would choose a location that is easily traveled to for your first trip, but there are many women out there who have conquered the world alone and their hard work should not be forgotten.

 

NUMBER 3:
This complaint really is the silliest of them and it saddens me people consider this to be a real reason to remain ignorant of the world.  Even here in the States I’ll hear people making fun of the fact they cannot do this task as well as locals.   English is the most widely spoken language in the world and only the second most spoken language to Chinese (Mandarin and Cantonese).  Through my experiences I find Spanish to be the second most beneficial language to understand as those two languages can easily help anyone conquer North and South America.  The moment I stepped off the plane in Argentina I could only say hello and goodbye.  When I left I was holding conversations and well immersed in the culture and to this day still miss it.  If you are not able to speak the language that is okay, since you’re reading this, it means you speak English and in most countries English is the form of communication for the travel industry.  From the cabs of Cyprus to the Train Stations in Budapest, English is well accepted and present on every ATM machine around the world.  It is one of the United States greatest exports via music, movies, and sports stars.  People love the fact they can practice with you, so dare you try to speak the local language they will probably insist on speaking English instead.  Don’t let that prevent you from learning the local language though, a friend of mine let’s say MF, did the same in Honduras for 3 years and to this day she has retained friends she has made there and is still interested in the news coming out of the country.

 

Final Thought
On this last note I would like to remind you of a man who not until his job forced him to travel, remained in the United States and never visited another country.  He was wealthy, well connected, famous and could easily have hired his own plane to fly him around the world, yet he stayed state-side.  He left office as Africa’s most favorite President, and ended up spending his 67th birthday there. President George W. Bush waited what was almost a lifetime before experiencing the wonders of traveling, and we all should learn that most of the time, it is the mind that holds most of us back, never the actual challenge. Live for the journey, since the destinations have always been there awaiting our presence.

Till Then.